The Assembly Rooms - Epsom

Stiggy having her soul stolen.

Luxury seating in "the ladies".

Check these out if you want a blow job with style.

Visited 21st February 2011. 

I have a few days holiday from work to use up. "Use it or lose it", I'd been told. I didn't need telling twice! An old friend (Stiggy), who has done a few of these trips with Mrs S and myself previously has come along for the ride. We trundle around the M25 (again), playing spot the hold up, narrowly avoiding the future delay which will soon appear as we swerve around a fresh accident. The police had already arrived and appear to be about to close a few lanes... We arrive in Epsom and find a place to park, at the opposite end of town from where we want to be. We knew this as we had already driven pass 'The Assembly Rooms' as we entered town. This gives us the opportunity to have a little look around which we start to do but then Stiggys' teeth start chattering and we decide it's just a little to cold. "Fortunately" there are some ladies clothes shops that seem to be full of "interesting" things to try on, what luck!

We eventually make it to the pub where the usual "don't photograph me, you'll steal my soul" arguments take place and finally we make it inside. The first thing you see is an impressive looking bar and then you start to realise that this is actually a rather nice pub inside. It didn't look to bad from the outside either.

Stiggy is hungry and as we cannot find a breakfast menu decides to order the 'all day brunch' instead. Then just for good measure orders a couple of rounds of toast each as well. It's an impressive amount of food and I voice the opinion that she has bitten off more than she can chew, so to speak.
I'm not a gambling man, in fact I have never been inside a betting shop. This is something Stiggy wants to rectify but she has decided to start me off slowly. We end up shaking hands on whether she can eat all the breakfast, the loser pays for the next round of coffees. She is only the size of a leprechaun so I know I'm on to a winner. After watching her wolf down her own body weight in breakfast I know I've been hustled. But all that coffee takes its toll and she needs to pay a visit. She returns swiftly telling me how fantastic "the ladies" are and that I should go and check out the gents. I do and return somewhat disappointed to tell her that they are nothing special and seem to be like many other Wetherspoon toilets. "Come with me", she says. I'm led upstairs and after she checks to make sure I'm not going to upset any 'sitting tennants' she takes me in. From her reaction I'm guessing that not all 'ladies' are made this way but gentlemen, we have definitely been short changed at 'The Assembly Rooms'. If you get the chance, check them out. (Have a lady friend check for the all clear first and remember to turn and smile for the ever present security camera watching your back).
A little more shopping ensues and then it's time to make a move back to the car. On the walk back we (almost) pass a betting shop... Stiggy decides to enhance my education and I learn about a 'lucky' something or other. We pay our monies and are each handed our receipts. Woohoo, I'm going to be rich! Due to our detour we are running a little late so it's a swift walk back to the car and then an unusually straight forward trip home. We enjoyed our visit to Epsom and 'The Assembly Rooms' makes it into my top five Wetherspoon pubs.


For anyone having stuck with this post so far you may want to know how our horses did. Later that evening I checked and found that none of my four horses had come anywhere useful, Stiggy on the other hand managed to select three first place horses out of five. That's why I don't gamble and why she does!

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